I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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