my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
