so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
