i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
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he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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