I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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