He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Text me some of your sweat
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
