I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
