Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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