Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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