i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
