His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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