when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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