How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
