my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
