Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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