just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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