I will die if light touches me.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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