Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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