Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
