dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
