just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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