Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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