can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
