Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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