he wants to bone in the snuggie
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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