if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
