From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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