He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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