I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
