from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
