How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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