Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
