Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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