okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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