im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
