Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
