So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
