I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
