i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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