I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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