What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
