he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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