So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
