I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
