I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
