So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
