You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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