no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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