does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
