this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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