it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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