did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
