She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize