Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Define "chronic" masturbator.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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