So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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