She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
