Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
