Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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