Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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