I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
