Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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