The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
