I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
