I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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