It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
