I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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