it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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