My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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