Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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