I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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