I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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