dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
