If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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